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As anyone working in a big city in paramedicine knows, we often get sent to “unconscious” patients that end up being a drunk that decided to catch some Z’s in the middle of the street. We had one such call today, at 4pm in the afternoon.

We picked up and onto our stretcher and into the truck. After enjoying a nice sternal rub he woke up. Of course he denied drinking, and then the following exchange:

Intox: “why am I here?”
Me: “you were sleeping in the street”
Intox: “what are you talking about, I was at home” (he’s homeless, so maybe a true statement)
Me: “you can’t sleep in the street, someone called 911, and now you’re going to [insert name of a not-so-highly-respected hospital]”
Intox: “nooo!!! please don’t take me there, let me out, last time I was there they didn’t get me no foooood man, how am I supposed to get my Chinese food?”
Me: “you’re going there”
Intox: “man, you guys are the worst, why you always be picking me up?”
Me: “probably should stop getting drunk and sleeping in the street, enjoy your stay at not-so-good hospital.”

Oh, and he couldn’t tell us his social security number, but could remember his Medicaid number and tried to chide us by saying it would cover his visit, which was weird because last night a homeless guy asked for money, which I denied him, and then yelled at me that maybe he would just go to the ER and complain of chest pain and they would feed him. Thanks for contributing to society.

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