Archive for February, 2009

Overheard Subway Convo I

February 19, 2009 1 comment

Two suits get on a crowded 3 train at Wall Street. My olfactory informs me that one of them hasn’t showered recently. The other starts:

My foot is killing me.
New shoes?
Nah, had them for a few weeks. I have a giant callous on my pinky toe.
Ah, that sucks.
Yea, it’s really painful. My doctor gave me some ointment to put on it.
That’s good.
Yea, it’s supposed to shrink it.
You’ll be fine.
I hope so.

Glad I’m not going into podiatry.

Categories: Subway

Living with Primates

February 18, 2009 Leave a comment

Chimp Owner Begs Police in 911 Call to Stop Attack

The frantic owner of a 200-pound chimpanzee that went berserk in Connecticut pleaded with police over the phone to help her stop the animal from mauling her friend, begging them to ”Hurry, please! He ripped her face off.”

Really? I have a few questions about this. What kind of person keeps a primate as a pet in their suburban home? And, what kind of person continues to keep a primate in their home after it goes on a rampage six years earlier? Apparently, this chimp was able to login to her computer and look at photos, dress himself, use the restroom, etc. He even used a water pik to clean his teeth. He was basically a person. Don’t you have to be a crazy person to have a “person” as a pet? Especially one that knows how to use keys, escape, and run amok? Don’t you also have to be a crazy person to pretend you’re a vet and give your pet person Xanax and other drugs? As a result, this chimp’s time here is over.

So it goes.

Categories: Uncategorized

More Amusment on the Subway

February 12, 2009 Leave a comment

The following happened to me (and my fellow riders of the prestigious MTA system) today while trying to get home from SoHo (for my SoCal friends, this means South of Houston Street, and is generally a very upscale area of Manhattan). I was on the Q train heading towards Brooklyn and while in the middle of a tunnel the conductor comes on the intercom and says the following (with a Haitian accent):

“Hullo, we are not sure where we are or exactly where we are goin’. When ah fine out where we are goin’ I let yah know. This coul’ be an N trehn or it coul’ be a Q trehn, I let yah know soon.”

Turns out, with gusts of up to 50 mph today, a tree fell onto the Q tracks, and all service was cut off to Coney Island. So, my Q train transformed into an N train, but luckily this didn’t matter until after my stop. This did leave some people wondering how they were going to get home however. Apparently, the greek god of wind, Zephyrus, also chose to fell a tree onto a poor lady’s car in East New York, outside my girlfriend’s school. Maybe she was praying to the wrong god, and Zephyr decided to total her car as a hint. I’ve taken this as a hint I should stay inside today.

Categories: New York, Subway

Science… 1, Well-Meaning-but-WRONG-Parents… 0

February 12, 2009 Leave a comment

“Court Says Vaccine Not to Blame for Autism”

This is something that the vast majority of doctors and scientists have contended for a long time, and it’s good to see that the judges were sensible in this case. There are technically two more major cases left that the anti-vaccine crowd are fighting to win, but maybe with this precedent it will be a losing battle for them. The only thing that has come about from the anti-vaccine crowd is irrational fear of vaccines, which has likely led some people to choose not to vaccinate their children. This would be a step back a couple centuries, and by choosing not to vaccinate one is really choosing to place everyone else at risk.

Categories: Medicine, Science

Dirty People

February 9, 2009 Leave a comment

If there is one thing you are sure to find in New York, it’s garbage. This is especially true outside of Manhattan, who I suspect have an entire agency tasked to clean up after its litterer citizens to give the outward appearance of cleanliness to the Japanese tourists. The ALA (anti-litter agency) likely centers around Times Square and loses efficacy the closer you get to reaching another borough. For example, as you reach Harlem you are also approaching the Bronx (troglodytes live here, or so I’m told), which shows little evidence of ALA activity.

What’s asinine about all this, is the source of garbage: locals. At this point, I barely flinch when a train pulls up into the station and I watch a person set down their coffee on the station seat and enter the train with a trashcan not more than four feet away. A few weeks ago I saw a guy chewing gum about my age, leaning casually against a trash can, take his empty gum package and toss it onto the subway tracks. My girlfriend saw an old lady sitting on a bus throw her coffee cup into the fresh snow with a trash can sitting only a few feet away. She went over, picked up the cup, and threw it away, which prompted the old hag to say “you shouldn’t have DONE that!”

Another thing you can’t get away from in New York is New York pride. EVERYONE is invariably wearing something with an “NY” on it, somewhere. So, what is it saying when a population that claims to love their home so much, is perpetually filling it full of crap? These idiots are leaving filth in their own habitat. Even cats are smart enough to hide their “litter”.

Categories: New York, Subway