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Bitter Subway "Co-Conductors"

I'm not sure what they're official job title is, but I'm referring to the guys (sometimes girls) that sit in the closet-sized compartment in the middle of the train and stick their heads out as the train approaches or leaves a station. From what I can tell, their only job is to press the door-open button and then the door-closed button, over and over.

My suspicion is that these poor individuals really wanted to be train conductors, but saw their dreams slip through their fingers when they were assigned door-duty. So, they're the door overlords, controlling when the proles may exit/enter the train. Primarily, they receive pleasure from controlling entrance onto the train, they could care less if you leave. Thus, the door overlords (D.O.'s) real power is in keeping people out, especially those that run up to the doors just as they slam shut in their faces, forcing them to catch a later train. Their pleasure scale is exponential – approximately P=e^n+r+l, where n is the number of people kept out, r is the number of "runners", and l equals 1 if it's a late-night train (delaying the person especially long).

Today, the woman D.O. (a rarity) achieved a score of e^2+2, or about 6.41 for those of you that can't do exponentials in your heads (D.O.'s can). That's a pretty good score for them, and should keep her going for a few more stops before she needs another fix. She gets extra points for looking at both of us for a couple seconds before signaling the conductor the train can move.

On a side note, insulin promotes, and glucagon/statins inhibit cholesterol synthesis… (fun biochem fact #1).

(I didn't get much sleep last night)

Categories: Subway
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